So many things that happen at work can catch women off guard,
making us question our confidence and capability. Women
experience microaggressions, receive intangible feedback,
and are interrupted more often than men. Worst of all, it’s not
uncommon for women to internalize these experiences and
blame themselves. Women believe if they had just worked
harder, performed better, or chosen a different company then
this wouldn’t be happening. Unfortunately, gender bias is deeply
rooted in our society. The good news is, it’s not your fault. Still,
these experiences are all too common.
How do you prepare for the unexpected, like hearing an
inappropriate joke or receiving gendered feedback?
Too often, women have been discouraged from speaking up
for themselves. They’ve been socialized to create harmony, and
play down their strengths to avoid seeming pushy or bossy. The
confidence and swagger that we admire in male leaders have
been seen as aggressive and inappropriate when displayed
by women leaders.
But now more than ever, women are asking what they can do to
become better advocates, how they can stand up for themselves
and their female colleagues. Here are some proven strategies
that you can use to help all women rise.
ASK & AMPLIFY
I have yet to meet a woman who doesn’t want to get better at
asking for what she deserves. Often it’s even easier to ask on
behalf of a colleague.
- Ask for what you want and need — if not for yourself, then
for the sake of women who will follow. Many women find
it difficult to negotiate salary, ask for a raise, or request a
promotion. But it’s often easier to ask on behalf of others.
- Amplify other women by lending your voice to their ideas.
Develop a buddy system with your female colleagues
to reinforce each other's comments and suggestions in
meetings. Many voices are hard to ignore.
- Fight back against interruptions. If you notice a woman
being interrupted in a meeting, simply say “Hold on, I’d like
to hear Jennifer finish her thought.”
REHEARSE FOR #METOO MOMENTS
One day, sexual harassment and inappropriate comments at
work won’t be inevitable. Until then, it’s better to be ready for
them. It’s common to freeze in difficult situations, and you can
avoid that by planning ahead.
- Trust yourself. If something makes you feel uncomfortable,
don’t write it off. Talk to someone you trust to validate your experience.
- Confide in a friend, mentor, coach, or therapist. Sharing your
story can be cathartic and give you a much-needed sounding
board. Brainstorm options for addressing the situation.
- It’s an unfortunate reality, but you should be prepared
to speak up for yourself. Having a ready response like “I
didn’t find that funny,” or “I’ll give you 20 seconds to take
that back” helps you avoid going into flight, fight or freeze
mode when someone says or does something shocking.
SEND THE ELEVATOR BACK DOWN
Women are stronger together so do all you can to stop
perpetuating the “one seat at the table” myth and beware of
female rivalry. Use your strength, position, and power to help
the women around you.
- Join forces with other women to ask for what you collectively
need at work. Grassroots efforts against harassment or pay
inequity have been used recently to influence leaders and
effect change.
- Help women through mentorship, advocacy, and creating
opportunities. You can redefine how women interact at
work by showing that there’s room for many women at the
table, not just one.
- Update your own expectations: Stop expecting more from
female versus male bosses, peers, and direct reports. Stop
judging women, including yourself, on personal choices
including appearance and parenting choices.
#MOMTOO: PREGNANCY & PARENTHOOD AT WORK
It can be hard and lonely to be a working mom, and mom
guilt is all too real. Women sacrifice for their jobs and for their
families. Setting firm boundaries can give you a sense of control
and agency as you think about how you want to balance these
two very important roles.
- Moms - know and embrace your limits. Think through what
sacrifices you are and are not willing to make as a parent.
Will you travel? What if you occasionally miss dinner or
bedtime; is that okay? Share your preferences with your
manager and ask for their support.
- Encourage men to take advantage of flexible work schedules
and parental leave. When men use these benefits, it
destigmatizes them for everyone.
- Use suggestion boxes and company meetings to request
more modern, family-friendly policies and benefits that
reflect today’s reality. Ask your colleagues to do the same.
More voices result in attention and action.
These are tough topics, but here’s the good news. Young
women today have more tools, information and vocabulary than
ever before. They’ve grown up in the ear of movements like
#TimesUp, #MeToo, and #BlackLivesMatter. We’ve reached
a tipping point, where future generations of women will
finally get the respect they deserve. Until then, strategies
to advocate for yourself and other women will continue
to be a necessary part of creating more healthy,
inclusive cultures.
Mikaela Kiner is Founder | CEO of Reverb. You can
contact her at mikaela@reverbpeople.com.
Join Mikaela at the Women’s Leadership Summit
where she will share more about how today’s
women can navigate the workplace while
staying motivated and strong.
Register today for the Women’s
Leadership Summit here.
This article appears in the spring 2020 issue of the Washington CPA Magazine. Read more here.