As I write this, many of you are still in the throes of busy season or have just finished up hectic year-end reporting. The demands of work can be challenging, but if you are juggling work and also a family, the combination can be downright overwhelming.

As a CFO of a growing SaaS company, a wife, and a parent to three daughters, I am often asked how I manage it all. Apparently from the outside, it looks like I have it down. Truth be told, there are days I am barely staying afloat. I have piles of books on my bedside table to help me better manage the career and family balance; however, I am too exhausted at the end of the day to crack the books open. This balance struggle isn’t one only mothers manage, but also fathers or anyone attempting to balance a highly rewarding but challenging career with a life outside of work.

I haven’t yet met anyone who thinks they have the equation between work and life solved. I can assure you I don’t either, but I can share themes I have identified to help me survive.

Letting Go of Perfection

Early in my public accounting career in the midst of an 80-hour busy season week, one of my managers said, “You can’t be perfect in everything you do. You will have to pick and choose what is important.” Letting go of perfection is hard for most of us type-A accountants. I didn’t truly understand this until later in my career. For years, I was running myself ragged striving for perfection in everything I did. I still have those moments, but I have attempted over time to adjust my expectations of myself.

Recently, I was late for my oldest daughter’s birthday party. Her friends were arriving at our house, yet I wasn’t home from work. I was frustrated feeling that somehow my tardiness equated to my failing as a mother. At some point during my drive home, I accepted the situation knowing that my husband was at our house where guests were arriving and my daughter, consumed with greeting her friends, would hardly notice I was 10 minutes late.

Ultimately, my 10-minute late arrival did not ruin her birthday celebration, nor was I failing as a mother. In fact, with help from my husband plus a little from my parents, I somehow pulled off a party for 20 girls after working a full day in the office. It is important to remind ourselves that it’s okay to ask for help when we need it, it is okay that we aren’t perfect, and it’s healthy to recognize and celebrate our own accomplishments.

Define What Is Important

There is a saying, “Leave the office at the office.” I find this incredibly challenging and am in awe of those who can actually do it. As a working parent, there is always guilt. You won’t be able to attend every field trip. You might not be the super stellar room parent in your child’s classroom. You will inevitably miss some important moments for your family. It is critical to accept you won’t be able to do it all. Let go of the guilt and define what is important to you.

Sitting down as a family for dinner is important to our family. We don’t allow phones or computers at the table while we eat, and my husband and I attempt not to dominate the dinner conversation with our work. Instead, we ask our children about their days or whether they helped or did something nice for someone at school. Dinner may only last 15 minutes. It may not be a gourmet meal. It may not happen every night and, after a significantly stressful workday, I may break my own rule and monitor emails at the dinner table. However, both my husband and I do our best to protect our family dinner ritual.

Putting my youngest to bed each night is another important ritual to me. I attempt to focus on her during this time. Admittedly, there are evenings while she and I are cuddled up together that she reads as I finish a work project. These nights are infrequent and aren’t ideal, but the bonus is that my nine-year old now has a budding fascination for Excel.

Seek Flexibility

Seeking out companies and leadership who support flexibility is critical to successfully managing career and family. I have been fortunate to find supportive companies and leaders throughout my career.

I was on a flexible work arrangement for several years while at Ernst & Young, and I currently work a reduced schedule (80%) as the CFO of a growing SaaS company. I earned these arrangements by working hard and demonstrating my commitment to my leaders and the companies. I have realistic expectations that an 80% schedule doesn’t equate to a 32-hour work week in my current role as a C-level executive. However, the reduced schedule allows me the flexibility I need to better manage the balance between my career and my family.

Flexibility is a two-way street. I love the flexibility I have in my career and I also recognize I need to allow flexibility in my life for my work. If I leave work early one day for a family commitment, another work day that week will likely be a long day.

Just as important as finding a flexible leader to work with is being a flexible co-worker or leader yourself. When appropriate, I try to help those individuals who are trying to balance work with family. Is there someone around you who you can help?

Time Management

Maintaining flexibility involves purposeful time management. Creating focused time at work is critical and blocking my calendar is an effective method for doing so. I attempt not to allow Slack messages or emails to run my day, so that I can make headway on my “big rock” items. You won’t find me playing ping pong during the middle of the workday and you won’t find me going out to lunch unless it is for a meeting or team building.

When I am in the office, I am purposeful with my time. There are days I eat lunch at my desk, so that I can wrap projects up. However, I also recognize the importance of my current role in connecting with people across the organization. As a result, I attempt to strike a balance between eating at my desk and also making an effort to eat lunch in our office common area to connect with others.

Communication

Balancing work and family requires strong and effective communication both at home and at work. At home, we have a family calendar in our kitchen. Each family member is assigned a color and activities are color-coded and included on the calendar. My family can look at the calendar to easily identify when my spouse or I will be traveling or what time and where their soccer game is.

At work, my Google calendar is shared with my entire team and I keep it up to date. My team knows if I am working remotely, what hours they should expect me to be online, whether I need to leave early, or what time I will be heading out of the office. They also know how to contact me if I am not in the office. This ensures that the flexibility I have does not act as a roadblock to their progress.

You Can’t Do It All - Ask for Help

My career trajectory would not have been possible without help along the way. I didn’t get here on my own. I had help from my spouse, supportive leaders and peers, my parents, and my friends.

My spouse and I aim to split our home responsibilities 50/50. We stay flexible though, since the split shifts with the changing demands of our careers. There are certain weeks when my husband takes 80% and I take 20%, or other weeks when the inverse is true. We recognize neither one of us can manage the family responsibilities on our own. We are a team and rely on each other.

When my schedule allows, I drive sports team carpools to help other working parents in our community. We all contribute what we can to help each other out.

Carve Out Time for Yourself

I have learned over the years that if I carve time out for myself each day, I am a better parent, team member, and leader. As a morning person, I wake at 5 AM while the house is quiet. After responding to work emails, I claim the next hour as “me time” reserved for exercise. I think more clearly and have a more positive disposition after I have exercised. Some of my clearest work ideas and solutions come to me during my morning runs (a concept recently supported by research). This time allows me to be more mentally balanced to approach the chaos of the day ahead.

Lastly, there is an element of embracing chaos and giving yourself credit for doing the best you can. My household is chaotic as a result of both my husband and me juggling careers with a family, but we are raising three independent daughters who know what hard work looks like. And just maybe my nine-year-old, who has been exposed to Excel during her bedtime routine, will one day take that fascination and be inspired to become a CPA just like her mom!

Kirsten Duke, CPA, CGMA, is Chief Financial Officer at DomainTools and 2018-2019 Chair of the WSCPA Board of Directors. You can contact her at kirsten@domaintools.com.

This article appears in the spring 2019 issue of the WashingtonCPA Magazine. Read more here.

Looking for more leadership strategies and tips? Join us for the WSCPA Women's Leadership Summit, June 13, at the Meydenbauer Center in Bellevue. Learn more here www.wscpa.org/wls2019.